Mourning Sun
by Moonlith
Summary: In the midst of the warmth of the southern lands, one young man is burdened by an aching insecurity. As time goes by without fulfilling his hopes and desires concerning the one he cherishes the most, an evil web of doubt begins to drape around his heart.


I do not own Claymore.

_**Mourning Sun**_

By Moonlith

_The two of them stood dead on their tracks, paralyzed and inanimate. All the mundane sounds of their wooded surroundings were drowned, leaving only in their ears the violent hum of their fervently beating hearts. Neither of them dared to break the reverie with words, nor were they enough in command of their bodies to move even a muscle. The barely discernable movement of their lips as each inaudibly mouthed the name of the other was the only link they displayed to have with the waking world. A whirlwind of blinding daze seemed to cloud the following fragment of second and the next thing they knew, they were locked in a tight embrace. Through the mutual veil of tears two pairs of eyes met one another; the hazel orbs of the youth witnessed those of the maiden's silver ones, usually as cold and grim as their color, brim with warm emotion. At the apex of their rejoice, the long lost couple brought their faces closer and shared a kiss in which the intimate subtleties mingled into a single comforting taste of familiarity, and_

SPLASH

With an unnecessarily harsh tug, Raki pulled yet another handful of ice cold water from the river to wash away the last remnants of sleep from his eyes. Once satisfied that every ounce of fatigue was cleared, he took a draught of the crystalline liquid into his mouth to freshen his breath. Finished with the foremost morning procedures, he finally straightened himself to face the evenly streaming mass of dull grey water and the opposite bank beyond. Despite the normally warm climate of the south, early mornings were still cold and crisp, especially now when the season was beginning to wane towards autumn. Thus Raki could feel the slightly chilling air nipping at his wet face. In effect of the pinching sensation, the young man was forced to resign to reality. Accepting the disappointment, he got up with a sigh and let the memory of the dream fade into the back of his mind.

* * *

Through a series of unruly forest pathways, Raki made his way back to the camp. The ground was littered with fallen branches that were dried by the nightly frost, and the sound of their snapping accompanied his thoughts. Thoughts which were once more haunted by _her_.

During all the time he had spent first as a wandering vagrant and then in the company of two other kindred rangers, the dreams, visions and other epitomes of his longing for _her_ had not ceased to torment him. Of course he didn't mind the remembrance itself; on the contrary, the recurring images of their last moments together and the stark echoing of promises spoken were what kept his vigor up each and every day. But when the urging memories crept to disturb him even in his slumber, he sometimes couldn't help but wonder if enough was enough.

A sudden end in the thicket signaled that he had arrived at a clearing, bringing his sour musings to an abrupt halt. The site of their encampment was at the center of it, rather chaste and consisting only of the most necessary supplies. Despite the meager equipment, the quality of their company's wares was nothing to be resentful of; their only hut, small as it was, was covered with magnificent animal furs, ensuring both enviable outward appearance and practical efficiency against the cold nights. This finery was all courtesy of their leader, Isley, who had an exceptional aptness towards hunting and phenomenal finesse with the sword. A few paces away from the dwelling lay the blackened remains of the last night's campfire, and a single carriage further off housed the rest of their belongings.

As usual, Isley himself was nowhere in sight. Raki had long since grown accustomed to the habitual disappearances of the eccentric man with long silver hair, and thus his expected absence at the early hour did not arouse the slightest of alarm in the young ward. Instead of probing the matter further in his mind, he decided to venture taking a peek through the opening of their tent. And from the darkness of the canvas greeted as customary a view as one without Isley, for underneath a mount of thick blankets could be recognized the familiar childlike face of Priscilla, the sole female counterpart in their team of three. Releasing a soft sigh, Raki retreated his head back outside the tent with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Since nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary and the ambiance was altogether idle, Raki decided he might as well occupy his time with something useful. Noticing the parched embers of the expired firewood, he opted to start the preparations of their breakfast by making some new one. Not wanting to disrupt the sleep of Priscilla, Raki loaded his other arm with as many pieces of log as he could support, picked up an axe to his free hand and walked back deeper into the woods.

* * *

_thock, thock, thock_

It hadn't taken too long for Raki to find a fitting stump of a tree against which he could chop the firewood. Since then the only sounds piercing the still silence were the numb thuds of his axe cutting through the logs, and the only movement followed a mechanical pattern of a simple rising and falling of the tool. As the tedious activity could not reserve enough of his attention to keep him fully concentrated, Raki's thoughts were quickly swept back to _her._

_How long has it been?_

_thock, thock, thock_

Time seemed to have lost its meaning in the unending parade of routine-filled days: traveling, training, eating and sleeping. Isley would decide their course, leading the group with an air of undisputable confidence and ease. Prsicilla would continue to remain by his side and follow him, her naive and childish demeanor betraying no signs of even the slightest doubt or mistrust. And Raki, absorbed in learning the arts of the sword and keeping his inner flame ablaze, blend into their purpose without posing a question.

_thock, thock, thock_

At first, Raki had that all was well and on the right track. He had managed to escape from the clutches of his captors, and in a miraculous stroke of luck, he soon found himself in the company of two kind fellow travelers. Together they formed an intimate group, and for the first time in months, Raki had felt truly safe and sound. When he had heard their destination, his spirits were risen even more; the south was exactly where he had parted from _her_, surely that was also where they would soon find each other again. To top it off, one of his newfound benefactors was no less than a sword master, who was willing to help him on his path of becoming stronger.

_thock, thock, thock_

But the days went by just the same as always. Yes, he did train with Isley. But although he could feel some development in his skills with the sword, more often than not it felt as if the overwhelming superiority with which the silver-haired man dominated him every time was taking him nowhere. The almost playful style of his mentor as he sparred with him made Raki sometimes even question if he could ever really be of any good, and the growing of such skepticism was starting to wear him thin.

And yes, he had indeed found two irreplaceable friends in Isley and Priscilla. So grateful he was for the service they had done for him that he was doubtful if he could every pay it back in proper.

But it was not them that he really longed to be with.

It was _her_.

And with each passing day with no news regarding her whereabouts, the memory of their separation grew bitter and bitter.

_Why? WHY did I ever let myself be tricked by her fair words? Why did I have to heed her cheap assertions, spoken in haste and with nothing to back them up? I had already seen the strength and madness of that other warrior, how could have I been gullible enough to believe she would be okay? Why did I end up running away, when I could've tried to help her, if in no other way than by sacrificing myself? Or even, damn it, why didn't I just simply hide somewhere where I could have seen them? That way, I could have rushed back to her when the fight was over, whether in triumph or only to mourn over her shredded remains..._

Raki squeezed his eyes shut and, despite his efforts to block his mind, recalled for the millionth time every second of their final moments together. The tone of her voice unlike he had ever heard before, deep, alarmed, fearful and almost beseeching. The sickening waves of anxiety and fright that washed over him again and again, gushing out in a torrent of tears and desperate pleas. And the kiss...a bitter laugh issued from his throat as he thought about it. Raki didn't entertain any thoughts that his rueful outburst would've invoked such a deep impression in her, no. The more he reminisced over the conditions at that time, the more convinced he was that her actions were inspired by the need to shut him up and listen than anything else. And to think he had fallen for it...

_THOCK, THOCK, THOCK_

But among all the regrets that he had over their parting, the one that rose above all else was the unbearable insecurity. Was she alive? If she was, how was she doing? Was she really keeping her end of their promise, even after all this time? If she was, what could be taking her so long? And if she wasn't...how could he be sure if getting rid of him wasn't exactly what she had wanted all along? Considering the burden he must have been at times, it wasn't completely unthinkable that she was actually pleased with herself for managing to kick him out of the picture so smoothly. And in the case that she had actually died...what purpose did he and the gradual improvement of his sword fighting serve? Didn't he strive for becoming stronger solely for her? Were his days going to be spent in waiting for a ghost? In the darkest of his moments, Raki found himself thinking that even the sure information of her death could be better than the current situation. At least then he could, instead of clinging to something that had already begun to fade far into the past, try to turn his mind towards the future and move on. Even if he would have to do so with an unconquerable sorrow weighing down upon him constantly.

_THOCK, THOCK, THO-_

Unconsciously, Raki slammed the axe down as hard as he could, breaking it against the wood and sending a sharp splinter of it right at his face. It missed his right eye just barely, but with the axe now broken and his mind in a turmoil, continuing the task appeared impossible. Frustrated, Raki sat down on the tree stump and let his head fall down in defeat.

* * *

No sooner had he started to gain control over himself again, however, when a sound of hooves closing in from behind startled him yet again. Thankfully, the shock was short-lived, for Raki had a firm idea of who could be roaming the forest in such a carefree manner so early in the day. Turning around, Raki saw his expectations met as he recognized the familiar form of Isley nearing him. He was advancing on one of their horses at a leisurely gallop.

With his peculiar smile perched on his lips and the ever-present gleam in his eyes, Isley alighted.

"Hullo there. Having a nice little morning exercise, eh, Raki?", he greeted cheerfully, feigning to ignore the mess of chopped firewood and the youth's obvious agitation.

Raki, now annoyed by the other man's sudden appearance and the almost jeering tone his voice carried, couldn't stop himself from lashing out at him:

"Cut the crap, Isley."

If banishing the little jest that Isley had attempted to bring into the tense atmosphere was what Raki had desired, he certainly succeeded. For in that instant, the eyebrows of the elder man shot up in surprise. Assuming a darker look on his face, Isley prepared to set the boy straight with a tone cold enough to cut through his anger.

It wasn't necessary, however, as Raki had been quick to catch up on the change in the mood, now hurrying to compensate for the rash edge of his previous words:

"I-I'm sorry, Isley...it's just that I don't feel so good right now, that's all. Really, I'm sorry if I offended you."

Ominous as the cloud on Isley's brow had been, it was dispelled immediately at the already frightened and pacific air in Raki's voice. With the misunderstanding now cleared, Isley reverted back to his casual self and continued presently:

"Worry not, my friend, no offence has been taken. But please, do tell me what ails you so?"

"Ah, that. Well, you see, it's just that I got sort of carried away, and then I ended up breaking the axe, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do..."

Of course Raki had known Isley would notice his distress, and of course he had anticipated him making enquiries of it. But he had been left with too little time to think up a proper explanation, and thus his lie came off all too apparent and lucid.

This impression was strengthened further as Isley, without even considering Raki's words seriously, gave his reply:

"Clare."

Blatantly and with no remorse, Isley announced the answer to his own question. And the response it aroused from Raki left little doubt if he had been right.

A grimace full of self-loathing, exposing a set of gritted teeth and giving vent to an enraged snarl.

_Am I really being so obvious? Does every single one of my godforsaken actions emanate that she is all my world revolves around these days?_

Seeing that the boy wasn't going to utter a vocal answer, not that one was required in the first place, Isley decided to go on:

"Don't worry. You'll see each other again for sure, sooner or later."

This made Raki snap back to the conversation at hand. The firm yet easygoing way in which Isley had addressed his innermost desires only served to baffle him further. Confusion turned into irritation, and once again the youth let go of his restraints and openly questioned his elder:

"Huh? Just wait a minute here...how can you be so sure of that? You don't know her, you don't know where she is, you don't know what might've happened to her, you don.'t..."

"Know? Let me tell you something, my dear lad. Words like knowing or knowledge have very little to do with what I'm saying. It is all about _believing_, Raki. You _believe_ you can master the sword one day, you _believe_ in my abilities to help you and, at least up to now, you yourself _believed _above all that you would definitely stand by her side again, stronger than ever. You believed, and I still do."

Isley came to the end of his statement, and this time the youth was short of words to offer in response. Instead he decided to reflect upon what the other man had said, and the more he did so, the clearer he could see the reason behind it. Slowly the angry furrows on his brow began to smoothen, and Raki accepted the victory of Isley's stand over his own, which in truth had always been the same that the man with silver hair had just described. Still not wanting to give the impression that he was satisfied with Isley's vague reassurance, the boy chose to express his already easing discomfort one more time:

"But still...it has been so long already, and god only knows much longer the wait will continue."

"Reach out not to the past, Raki, for there is nothing in there that you can change. Do not trouble yourself too much with the future either, for it is always uncertain. What you can effect on the most right now is the present, Raki, Focus on what matters right now, and let things take their course. You have your whole life in front of you, and there will enough time to worry about things later on. Face the challenges life presents you one at a time, and you will see that everything is going to turn out for the best."

Even as Isley's final words continued to drone on in the background, Raki had found his peace. The veil of clouds that had covered the sky the entire morning was brushed aside for a moment, letting the warm afternoon sun pour its rays down upon them. As the sunlight continued to increase, even what was left of the grey canopy started to gain silver linings. And Raki, feeling all the grieves and doubts roll down his shoulders, lifted his head to gaze up at the sky with a look of tranquillity settled upon his features.

_Yes. _

"Well, then. Since we're now done with that, we might as well move on to clean _this_ mess."

At Isley's sudden interruption on his moment of serenity, Raki jerked his mind back on the current moment. Only then he seemed to notice the chaotic mayhem of chopped pieces of log all around them. Releasing an unrestricted and sincere chuckle, Raki gave his agreement:

"Right!"

* * *

Author's notes:

Just a little idea I had in my mind and decided to turn it into a ficlet. Perhaps a little rushed at the end, but otherwise I'm quite pleased with it.

Oh, and if you managed to read the name of the story correctly the first time, congratulations.

And as usual, thanks for reading. Comments are welcome.

Moonlith

* * *


End file.
